LITTLE ROCK, AK - Roy Scheider, the fumbling small-town police chief in the block-buster movie “Jaws”, has died at the age of 75. Scheider suffered from multiple myeloma and had been treated at the Little Rock Super Wal-mart Myeloma Research Institute kiosk for the past two years. "He would always stop by and say hi on his way to the dog food aisle", says Candy Stripes, a Myeloma Research Institute Medical Technician and part-time stripper.
Schieder was thought of by the local Little Rock establishment as a "two-timer", meaning he had been a two-time Oscar nominee and not the hard-drinking, hard-loving, Chevy truck-driving, gun-toting type of two-timer as is so oft referred to in Arkansas folklore. Last November, Siegfried of "Siegfried and Roy" fame announced that Schieder was to become the new "Roy" when the animal act got back together again after the original "Roy" was mauled by a jealous homosexual tiger and nearly killed. "Roy", although recovered from his trauma, still wets his pants and drools and will likely never work again, according to his doctors. "For the rest of his life, the only tiger he'll be wrestling will be, well - Siegfried", says Roy's doctor, Earl Blanchman.
Meanwhile, the other Roy (Schieder) was eager to leverage the flamboyant dressing style of his character from the 1979 movie "All That Jazz" (see picture). "He was really excited about wearing the "All That Jazz" wardrobe again and taking the stage as the new Roy", says Richard Dreyfus, a longtime friend and co-star in "Jaws".
